Chapter 7
Various other events which will amaze the reader; the apparition of Jesus Christ
I can’t ignore the many things that happened to me during this time, though I can at least summarize them.
A card-reader came to Avignon one pleasant day, to warn me about the two women who had brought me so much grief. “I want to protect you from them,” he said. “They will try to win you to their side, but I’ll stay so close to them, they won’t be able to do a thing to you.” It seemed like a good offer, but I didn’t trust this stranger enough to put myself so completely in his hands. That, and the amount of money he was asking, made me reject his offer
After that, my suffering only increased. I could not find rest in bed. I’d never been one to burden my friends with my troubles, [1] but now, I only left them when they themselves went to sleep. I walked the streets at night when the rest of the city had shut its eyes, and only visited my house during the day. How could I ever stay there at night? That was when anything like peace was banished from my room. More of that pounding upstairs, and a horde of animals were unleashed on me, running, jumping, dancing on my bed, and on myself as I lay in it. Of course, it was the goblins. My neighbors heard nothing of the cacophony. They seemed astonished that I even asked the question.
Another day, I found my desk was open. There was some money within it, but I wasn’t sure how much. A brilliant flame appeared for a moment, and then disappeared. A few days later, I saw the same flame, this time on the ground in front of me, and it stayed there for two minutes. Needless to say I was frightened by this, I’d never seen anything like it.
I took to walking in the country to escape these horrors, coming back in the evening. One day I set off with the best weather in the world. Then, suddenly, thick black clouds rolled in over my head. The winds were calm, yet the clouds were piling up as if drawn together by a hurricane. Lightning was reflected in the water washing around me, and the thunder burst overhead. The rain swirled and flooded and turned the earth to mud, so that the roads were level with the overflowing ditches. I had no other guide to my path than the trees and lightning, and that was how I stumbled toward my destination.
My life had become unlivable. I was overwhelmed with torments, and having suffered for three years, with no rest neither night nor day, I cried out to God, to Jesus Christ, to his holy mother Mary, and the Holy Ghost. Only they could lift me out of this sad state. “Lord,” I said to Him, “your will has always been mine. I wait for you to call me to you, to be delivered from the cruelty of my enemies, but call me, I will call myself blessed and give my life to you now. I’ll set my affairs in order, and so that no one but myself be blamed for my death, I will write and sign a note, ‘Look no further, I gave myself to the dead.’”
That was the resolution I made, and I kept it secret. I made preparations for my own death, but put on a mask of good cheer, if only on my face. I still carried my grief within me, still waited for a response from my sovereign master. Three days later a force seized my body, and I heard a voice whisper in my ear: You must go to bed tonight.You must go to bed tonight.You must go to bed tonight.You must go to bed tonight. I answered, “It’s not time for me to go to bed, soon I’ll rest for a long time.” Though the voice repeated itself, “You must go to bed tonight,” I would not obey, and stayed cheerful with the people around me…though I still heard the words of that unseen voice.
Seven o’clock struck. I stayed home for supper, then went to visit my friends, one of the houses I’d been spending my evenings with. When I arrived, my hostess told me that they were going to bed at ten o’clock, no exceptions. I looked at my watch throughout the night, and at 9:50 I got up to leave, though my friends told me I could stay until ten. Soon the clock chimes sounded and we parted ways. I made my way to another house where I thought I could spend a few more hours, but again, I heard that voice, telling me to go to bed. But my plan was still that I would soon sleep forever. I raised my hand to knock at the door, but an invisible hand pushed mine away from the knocker, and forced me to return to my own home.
I entered, lit a candle, and returned to my bedroom for the first time in three years. I closed the windows, set my candle down, said my prayers, and drew the curtains of my bed. I covered my head with blankets, in the hope of finding some shelter from my enemies, and said, “Lord, I obey.”
After ten or fifteen minutes, I rolled to my side, now looking at the alcove beside my bed. A white light burned there. I thought for a moment my house was on fire. But I had never seen anything more beautiful than what I now saw: an infinite number of stars, in the center of them a raised platform, from which shown a brilliant light that woke in me an indescribable joy. A throne resplendent with diamonds, rubies, and other precious stones stood in what seemed to be the center of the stars. And upon that throne, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of men. For three long hours I did nothing but gaze in contemplation, savoring this sweet and gentle moment. At last I broke the silence with my voice, trembling with pleasure and choked by sobs of reverence “Lord, your presence makes me forget the evils that I have suffered until now. I ask that I be allowed to look on your divine majesty, to treasure the joy of seeing you.” I shifted my pillow to rest my head on it, and in that position, remained in ecstatic reverence until dawn, and at last I closed my eyes and fell asleep, no longer denying the voice that had called me to bed that day.
In the morning, this miraculous vision had disappeared without a trace. I continued to think about the blessing of that vision as I dressed, the great favor that was given to me, one that so few people enjoyed. But I resolved not to share it, not even with my best friends, though they could at least see that some great joy had seized my soul. But I would not give them the reason, this vision was only for me. But I put aside the plan to take my own life. It would have been a crime after so great a gift. I would live to spread the word of God, whatever word he would give me.
Recent Comments