Chapter 27

Same resolutions, same torments

I visited the grand confessor, feeling like I needed to tell him of my ongoing troubles. He pointed me toward the Grand Vicar again, and I made my way there. This good priest was surprised to see me again, and still much the same as before. He asked about my diet, my lifestyle. I said that I governed myself with severe frugality: bland vegetables, no meat, no wine, no sweets. He blamed my abstinence for my sad state, and ordered me to have some fat on the days the church allowed it, and be moderate on the days of obligation. My nightly prayers, he said, had affected my health, and I needed more nourishment if I wanted to pursue my religious exercises. But despite these sincere suggestions to change my habits, I didn’t plan to take his advice. My mortification let me master my passions, I could fight my enemies more easily if I was more worthy of God’s mercy. 

The Grand Vicar told me to continue my prayers and vigils, and invited me to continue my devotions. He would speak to the confessor about having me exorcized. These two respectable, virtuous ministers would carry this task out, but they could not see that in following the path of the apostles, they would only increase the power of Mr. Pinel and the foul Vandeval and the others. In fact, their relentless attacks increased, as did their insolence and contempt, to the point of passing foul smells and rubbish under my nose when I prayed…out of decency, I won’t describe the smell, though I’m glad to make their actions known to the world. The monsters! It wasn’t enough to play this foul new game in my home, but even at Saint-Roche during my prayers. They could reach anywhere to exercise their power, and their power was immense. 

How many humans would fall to their power, if they couldn’t understand that to attain God’s grace, one must face trials. Nothing happens in this world without it being at his command. He that created this world can destroy it just as easily. By resisting the devil’s trials, we can deserve God’s mercy. Read the lives of the saints, the acts of the apostles, and see all the trials they suffered, the demons that tempted them. Sometimes they were shaken, but they never lost sight of their duties, and drove back those evil spirits by invoking the Almighty. Only in their resolution did they earn their holiness and their eternal glory. And this is the example we must follow to thwart those evil spirits and defeat Satan’s army.

I don’t want to wrap up this chapter before mentioning my enemies’ newest strategy. Winter was coming soon, and I brought a stove into my room, passing its pipe through the fireplace and sealing it off to keep the smoke out. At midnight I heard a noise at the bottom of the chimney, recognizing the voice of Doctor Pinel and one of his allies, trying to make their way into my apartment. But I had a plan. The pipe was locked up. I laughed at them, and said “Oh, my friend Pinel! Come in, enter, bring your fine companions! What are you doing in that little chamber? Stop hovering at the door!” 

I could hear them muttering and whispering insults, threatening me, saying that I couldn’t keep them out, they could break in whenever they wanted. And, in fact, they did smoke up my apartment, keeping me from cooking or heating my home. I could have done without, but my little squirrel, Coco, was as vulnerable to their attacks as I was. 

But what amazes me most is that he didn’t charge me for his house calls. But when he’s ready, I’m prepared to settle his accounts in full.