11/1/1819?
Moreau and Vandeval, to Mr. Berbiguer.
From the Infernal and Invisible Committee.
Farfaredico parafarapines,
Tremble, Berbiguier! Tremble, tireless persecutor of our infernal orgies, eternal disruptor of our slightest pleasures! It is we, Moreau and Vandeval, who are writing to you, we whom you lacerated yesterday with seven mortal pins, we whom you denounced to the priest. And you are not afraid, vile mortal, to arouse the wrath of our infinite power! You broke the third rib on the left side of our tender and dear niece Féliciadoïsca, by pressing her against a wall a few days ago. You also delight, from time to time, in revealing to the first person who happens to turn up, the sacred mysteries of the opoteosoniconi-gamenaco. Tremble! We repeat to you, all your preparations will be in vain, your audacious projects will vanish like the smoke with which you sometimes like to poison our empire. Nothing will be able to protect you from our vengeance, neither your big sackcloth, nor your left side pocket where you put your 30-sol coins[1], which will always be full of our griffardets, nor your voluptuous sausages which serve as a throne for love, and from which came the arrow which wounded the heart of our tender Féliciadoïsca [2].
What had she done to you, wretch, to arouse your black vengeance? She wanted to give you the pleasure of belonging to us. What a beautiful misfortune! An old Roger like you, whom a sixteen-year-old girl wanted to bring with her; what do you have to cry “help!” about? Tremble, Berbiguier! Tremble totis omnibus membris tuis! [3] You made a hellish racket, claiming that we killed your squirrel on September 12, 1819. Well, we deny it; we only cut off its tail. Berbiguier, it’s for yours that Féliciadoïsca, as soon as she’s healed, shall bring it to us on a plate. The mother of this dear niece absolutely wants it, she claims that you wanted to seduce her.
Choose war or peace.
If you want to enter our society, you only have to say “yes” out loud, on February 16, at 3:13 in the evening; then you will be well received, you will be taken away in a flying gondola, which will transport you to a place of delights where you will enjoy yourself ad libitum. [4]
Farewell. Signed Moreau and Vandeval
P.S., Pinel, Papon, Choix, etc., etc., speak with us.
[2] Griffardets…? This was written in a playful style with some made-up words. This may mean “scratchings,” “claw-marks,” or “handwriting,” depending. Currently at a loss for “The Throne of Love.” My assumption is that M.B. is known to be neurotically prudish and sex-avoidant, so “voluptuous sausage” refers perhaps to his beef-hearts, but also is a sex joke to make him twitch, along with the “she claims you want to seduce her” later. Gelinas specifically talks about this passage in “Intertextuality,” I’ll circle back when I’ve read that essay.
[3] “Tremble in all your limbs!” or, essentially, “your whole body trembles.” In some sacred writing this has an “I tremble in holy fear of god” connotation.
[4] “As much as you wish.” M.B. portrays himself as an ascetic, so this is very “Jesus in the desert” style temptation.
A 30-sol coin, 1791,National Numismatic Collection, National Museum of American History
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